The hard parts of all of this

Lest you think this move is all sunshine and roses, let me now tell you about the hard parts.

1. Leaving my family and friends

I feel like I’ve been on a goodbye tour for months now; I visited my grandparents in Phoenix in July, I’m trying to spend as much time as I can with friends and family, and I’m trying to do and/or experience all the things I’ll miss about New Mexico. My nephews are 6 and 1.5; in the two years I’m gone, the oldest will be almost to third grade, and the youngest will be talking and drawing and doing all kinds of other cool kid stuff.  My mom’s house is on the market and they’ll be moving away from my hometown soon.  My dad is at a crossroads in his career. It’s really weird to think about how life will go on without me here to see it all happen.

I keep reminding myself that I can Skype and otherwise stay in touch electronically, and that I’m planning a visit back next year.  Still, it’s hard knowing I’ll be so far away from all the major events in people’s lives.

2. Thinking about things like wills and power of attorney

Before I leave, I need to set up a will, which means I need to get a list of accounts and assets (limited as they may be) so that if something happens to me, my “estate” won’t be such a mess to deal with.  I need to find out if my power of attorney will be recognized in the UK. I need to let my brother know he’ll be inheriting a storage unit full of crap and a small retirement account. 

3. Speaking of storage…

It turns out I’m kind of a hoarder.  I am having the worst time sorting and getting rid of stuff.  I managed to go through and price two boxes of stuff for the yard sale today before becoming paralyzed with indecision.  I have piles of stuff everywhere – some for the yard sale, some for storage, a few to pack and take.  I realize that most of this will fit in the storage unit, should I choose not to get rid of it, but some of this stuff has been in the same boxes I’ve hauled to Phoenix, Kansas City, and three different homes in Albuquerque.  Maybe I just need to replay that “Let it Go” song a couple hundred times to get going here. I fear that my indecisiveness is going to bite me in the ass in that last week before I go and I’m going to have a ton of work to do. 

4. Fear.

You guys, I hate change. I like routines and schedules and knowing what will happen next.  I am about to move to a country I’ve never even visited.  I’m getting a new job, new apartment, re-adjusting to my old roommate after nine months living separately, and giving up driving.  I am giving up warm, sunny skies for cold and rain.  They only have a few stores I recognize. EVERYTHING is about to change and I’m a little bit terrified.

But, as many of you know, I decided a few years ago that I was not going to let fear stop me from doing things.  This is what prompted me to try karaoke for the first time, take up salsa dancing and become Staff Council Speaker.  Scared of that? It means it’s time to do it. (Except skydiving, that’s not gonna happen.  Ever.)

So, despite my fears and frustrations, I am doing this.  I am so, incredibly fortunate to be in a position to do move to Europe; I’m told constantly “I could never do that!” when I tell people that I’m moving abroad.  I want to say, “of course you could!” but I look at my list of reasons why not above, and I can see why so many people say no to this.  But I also see that I’m young(ish); that I only have an apartment’s worth of stuff; that I have no debt, no kids, no pets, not even plants to think about, and I’m ready to see what it’s like in a new place.  I can always come back to New Mexico when I’m ready; it’s not goodbye, it’s just see you later!

How do you push through fear to accomplish things in your life?

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One thought on “The hard parts of all of this

  1. I remember a sobbing 5 year old who didn’t want to move to New Mexico because ” I’ll never love another teacher as much as I love Mrs Ray. “. Obviously you survived then, and you’ll be fine this time as well. We will all miss you, but the way I see it, you may reside in Scotland, but you’ll always live in my heart. Now get out there and show the world your awesomeness!

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